• ZenChristian

Summers in Tampa + Adulting + Poetry

Throwback to Curtis 24th birthday weekend when we went to the beach because I miss it & its been muggy/hot/rainy everyday.

Hello everyone! Today I’m headed back home to Jacksonville, Florida for a week and half to reconnect with the family and some of my bestfriends. Summer this year in Tampa has been hot + rainy what seems like every day. Rainy weather is trouble for me for two reasons: 1. I catch a case of the lazies and the blues 2. Nothing gets done because I’m in bed watching Netflix all day. This hasn’t been the best scenario for me because I’m taking 3 summer classes and preparing for nationals in August with the Wespoke slam team. It’s been an adjustment coming back from Sofried. I went from having a week of no responsibilities except my poetry and enjoying myself, only to come back to bills, apartment hunting, homework, planning for The Poets next fall, and stress. I do a lot and I have to remind myself to slow down and breathe. I was speaking with my bestfriend Jasmin the other day about practicing not clinging to negative emotions or energy and working through issues as they arise. That’s something I’ve really been trying to implement into my stress management routine. I take to negativity too easily at times and it takes a toll on my mental, physical, and emotional self. Once I’m in a bad mood, I shut down. This is unfair to myself because I can no longer enjoy what I’m doing, where I’m at, or who I’m with. It’s a day to day process but I know if I stick with it, it’ll pay off in the long run.

I edited these photos on the VSCO cam app. The app is available for android (which I have) and iphone. I use it to edit all of my pictures.

Usually when I’m stressed or feeling down, writing is my go to source of relief. On the drive back from Southern Fried two weekends ago, I was thinking about all the assignments I had to complete, that were going to be late, and if I was going to be able to get it all done. I was overwhelmed by my responsibilities. So I hopped on instagram to distract my mind, then I came across a picture of someone’s boyfriend that read “I talk to God about you.” I really liked that it said talk instead of pray. Mainly because I don’t even know if I know how to pray lol but I know how to hold a conversation. So it’s appropriate for me to say “I talk to God about you.” Now, I’m into a religious person or don’t even know where I see myself fitting but I do believe in a God. Writing about God and praying for me is all about searching for my feelings about it. Key words my feelings. Anyways, I read the caption and I started writing a short piece about the you I talk to God about.

When I pray

I talk to god about you

and I don’t always know

who I‘m speaking with but

they listen like my mother so maybe god is a woman.

She knows I waited a long time for this, to finally split

my body open willingly

instead of being pried open from the rib cage

by other hands. I want so badly for you to see me, all the holes

I’ve been left with and the ones I’ve collected that adorn my body.

All these empty spaces have made me tired of living but

I think I’m ready to fill them now,

for god to know the man who healed me.

God knows you

by name now.

I’m eager to get home and recharge. I have a lot I want to get done before the summer ends so I need to be at my best self. I want o write more consistently for my blog and create more poems for a project I’m currently working on. Being in my mother’s presence leaves me full and whole. That’s the kind of energy I can create and rebuild in. I haven’t been home since Winter break, so this visit is long overdue. Even though I’ll only be in town for a week and a half, I plan to make the most of it. Life is different now that I have my own life and am starting a new one with my lover Curtis. It’s more crucial than ever now to stay connected to home and check up on the family. No matter where I end up, I always know where home is.


"I write poems in case I ever disappear"

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