No.1 Notes on Rest & Slowing Down

Rest is a practice I'm still finding my footing with. As easy as it is to say "Take a break" and "Just rest this weekend" it's still not that simple for me most days to get my entire ecosystem to rest. I often find that my body is on rest mode but my mind has grown wings and decided to fly around with the anxiety bees and do anything and everything except rest. I feel it's half a learned behavior and half out of my control. I think for a long time I equated being busy for leisure or work equated to living fully and being present because you're constantly engaging in something.

Now at 26 and not getting any younger, I crave slowness, stillness and intentional energy spending. but I've realized that in some ways my lifestyle hasn't always supported that way of living. I did so much in college from poetry, slam, partying going to events, getting food with friends and the list goes on lol It has caused me to rethink what I want to do long term and the changes that I'll need to make to better support myself and the form I'm taking. Dealing with physical and mental health problems and challenges changes how I rest in a lot of ways, many that I'm still discovering and figuring out in therapy.

I told my therapist in on our sessions that I rarely rest fully. Some part of me rests while the others stay awake which only fills my cup so much. I definitely think rest is underrated and we all need to spend more time figuring out how we define rest and participate in that practice. I use to think that not needing rest was a good thing but that's not very human of me to think that this entire ecosystem I care for, tend to, and nourish within doesn't need time to heal and recharge . It's a hard and emotional process for me with unlearning and relearning myself but also quite satisfying at the same time.

Hope you all are well.

2020: A Year of Transition & Transformation

Hello beautiful humans. It's been a while since I've written on here but been feeling the need to get back into it recently. I'm taking that as a sign from spirit to share my writing and thoughts more with others so anticipate some more stories from me on my life, art and poetry, 2020 has been one heck of a year to say the least. So much within the outer/external world has happened and definitely feeling like it's in a state of transition. Covid-19 and it's impact was one of the most unforeseen obstacles and although it has been extremely tough, it brought me a lot of good.

At the beginning of the year, I was really manifesting down time and rest. My mental health was getting the best of me and I felt intensely that I needed a break. Then quarantine happened and I got my break but way longer than what I was anticipating. I guess it's true when they say that if you aren't specific with your request and intentions, you'll get what you ask for, even if it's general lol. My time in quarantine was overall good. It forced me to get closer to my mental and physical health and come to the realization that I had more work to do and needed extra support.

It's been a lot of developing and sticking to morning and and night rituals, intuitive eating, art therapy, quality time with my fiance and new dog Hendrix, self care, and going back to therapy. Although I do miss freely being able to go out into the world without fear, I'm very grateful for the time in solitude with my little family because it's been a great time of growth and transformation for me. Moving into 2021 feels uncertain, as far as the state of the outer/external world is concerned, but hopeful and magical for my inner world. Next year I'm getting married to a my life partner and soul that matches my own. Words can;t describe how ready I am for that moment and new life transition for us both.

One amazing blessing that came from this year was adopting a dog with my fiance. Hendrix is one of the best things to happen to us and it was perfect timing that we got him before the world went into quarantine. He wasn't intended to be an emotional support animal or anything of that nature but he definitely ended up being that for us in may ways.

Truly wishing all of you the best finishing out the holiday season and 2020 as a whole. Sending you blessing and lots of light. Be well.

"Here, We Lay the Bones to Rest" Zine Collab w/ Alex Moonsang

Hi to all the beautiful humans reading this! I'm really trying to find a way to be more consistent with reflecting on here about my work and current adventures but it's hard initially getting a routine going but it'll happen for me eventually lol. Recently I've been working on a collaboration with Alex Moonsang (@a.moonsang & alexmoonsang.com), creating a zine and it's finally complete! Alex and I met through a collective we're in this year called The Gold Mined Collective and I couldn't be more grateful.

For those who don't know, a zine is just a small independently self published booklet, like a magazine. The inspiration behind this project was the bones will replace the word memories series featured in "The Burned House Resurrects" (link to purchase in menu). This series is special to me because it holds a certain vulnerability that I don't normally like to share. Bones are fragile and hold a lot of history just like memories. And I really like the texture of the word and the image attached to it. The only bones piece featured in the zine is "Burial Grounds" because the poems that accompany it in the zine are all memories that have been buried in one of our homes growing up. I didn't start the zine with this concept and structure but Alex pointed out that Burial Grounds seemed to sum everything up, and from there, we just went with it.

Alex's work is more than just pretty. Although I knew that even before I started working with her, after this project I'm realizing that her art is truly more than meets the eye. I love that as creatives, we have meanings for everything in our work that some may never understand or discover, but they're there. Upon finalizing the zine, she shared some insight to her intention with each piece and I wanted to share the magic with you.

About the cover:

"The two bones I drew are bones that are in humans and birds, the humerus (wings) though I'm pretty sure many animals share that bone but I though it was important!

The Chrysanthemum, which is my favorite flower also has multiple meanings but two that mean the most for me are in Japan, they use it during funerals but in China it represents longevity!"

About the first poem:

"And the hand piece I felt like talking about your brother as a moth and darkness. I put the moth in the palm, it's almost an uneasy feeling that the moth can fly free or stay underneath this hand that is either opening or closing."

The print copies of the zine will hopefully be available starting next week (Jun 08-Jun 12) through my website. We will only be printing 10 to start, each for $10. The goal is to launch a store where I can sell the physical zine copies, signed copies of my book, and more. For now, the digital zine is still available through Alex's etsy shop (link in menu.) I also considered starting a monthly newsletter with sneak peaks to upcoming merch, sharing unreleased pieces with you all and overall just checking in and letting you know I'm still alive and well lol

I will be writing a reflection about my trip to Toronto, Canada with Curtis very soon!